The Truth About the Underground Railroad

This conversation actually happened between this guy I work with and myself at work.  I still haven't decided if he is developmentally challenged or just God awful stupid.


Him- "This guy on my route was telling me about these underground tunnels that go from strip club to strip club. I believe him because, you know, the Underground Railroad was really big in Atlanta."

Me- "The Underground Railroad wasn't really underground"

Him- "Yes it is. I've been there."

Me- "That was a MARTA station."

I had to walk away after this out of fear of catching the stupid. Really though, what do I know? During the Pre-Civil War times slaves could have been running out of Atlanta through Magic City and the Pink Pony. Harriet Tubman could have been Cherri Tubs on the weekends.

I Was Bested by a Maclaren...

I know, you're like "What, Georgia? That's friggin' awesome!  I need a picture!  Please tell me you dug in you purse on the interstate and got your camera out and found the camera button in that short period of time because those are totally safe things to do!"

Haha! I'm not nearly cool enough to have a story like that.  This little gem would be the Maclaren Triumph stroller.  The Maclaren has a five point harness, retractable umbrella cover, and a high performance aluminum frame.  The Maclaren site claims this wonder of technology, designed by the original designer of the iron maiden, is able to be opened and closed using the users feet and one hand. They are straight up lying. 

My 7-month old niece had been staying at my tiny apartment for a few days because of water issues at her house.  I live on this third floor walk up. We were going to go for a little walk so I grabbed the baby in one arm and the folded stroller in the other.  Then three people watched as I struggled to open the thing once I got downstairs.  While holding a baby. I'm sure it was hilarious.  

I went upstairs and looked up a video on the Maclaren website to show me how to open the stroller.  It just showed me how to close it. With my feet. It was about as useful as D.A.R.E.

So then I found this video. Of a 12 or 43 year old Japanese chick explaining this thing. 

And I got it. Even in another language I got it.  She really should get paid for explaining strollers. (Note: It require the use of your hands. Lying Brits.)

So I went downstair, baby in tow, stroller on my back, and a new sense of confidence only underage Japanese girls can give you.  And I attempted to open the stroller again. While holding a baby. Still struggling. Luckily this time someone stopped by and helped me.  Which is when I discovered this about the Maclaren Triumph, designed to be operated with feet only.  There are situations when this stroller requires two hands to open.  F'ing Brits.

Little League Brawl Showing Lameness of Just F'ing Everyone in Georgia

So if you have a job where you go to work and spend 6 hours of your 8 hour work day reading blogs, or if you just don't have a job, you have probably read about the brawl at the Little League game in Columbus, GA. No? Click the Link. Read the article. This isn't about that. 

This is about after I started reading the comments and realized I never really realized how many lame fucks are just hanging out in cyberspace. Although I live in Atlanta, I am not from Georgia. Most people in Atlanta are transplants. Many like to complain about Atlanta even though they CHOSE to move here. I'd like express how lame and annoying this can be.

Now I don't mean stuff like this little quote from CommodoreDutch:
Just saw this video on CNN. Once I saw that it took place in Georgia, it all made sense. Good ol' rednecks. Too bad the North did not let you toothless illiterates secede.  Cue up the banjos boys.

Read more here: http://www.ledger-enquirer.com/2012/07/07/2112997/fight-at-britt-david-park-embarrassing.html#storylink=cpy

Hahaha.... This joker.  He gets up on stage for amateur stand up and it is just  penis joke, penis joke, Southern people are stupid, racist black joke, women are bad drivers, tip your bartenders, goodnight.

No, I'm talking about the local perspective on it from the AJC. Turns out some shit goes down in Columbus and everyone in Atlanta hops on the band wagon to passive-aggressively voice their opinion of why they hate where they live.

Like this guy,  ahh yes - Georgia's finest: (Stupid fucking name anyways)
just a hunch – I’d be that these good ol’ boys have atvs, hunting pics, UGA football, and conservative/christian posts all over their facebook pages. Ah, what fine examples for our children to follow.

Or this one from Tee:
Good thing this game wasn’t playing on the tech campus, the kids and parents would have been shot, robbed, mugged and stabbed even before the game ever started. No way I would even go near the Joke by Coke.

For whatever reason today I got annoyed. Yup, super Right-Wing anything is annoying, loud, and idealistic.  But super Left-Wing is also annoying, loud, and idealistic. In fact I believe I prefer the right because I love to drink beer and lentils taste like sand. And yes, crime in Atlanta SUCKS, and Georgia Tech is too close to the one high crime areas in Atlanta, but this was an article about a Little League game in Columbus.  Not a college in Midtown Atlanta.  I actually worked two blocks away from Georgia Tech at a bar, often until 5am, and I never got robbed or stabbed by rogue, pissed off Little League parents.

I'm disappointed in my fellow Georgians for turning this incident into a discussion about themselves and their political whatevers or how much they hate the thought of being stabbed.  I just wanted to watch a funny video of two fat rednecks fighting and laugh until I shot Diet Coke out my nose. I guess I should remember opinions are like assholes, everyone has one, and if you click on the wrong site a shitty one will up on your screen.

I Met a Serial Killer

On my way to watch the baby this morning I stopped for a delicious 32 oz vanilla Coke Zero as is my morning habit.

I discovered two things.

1. The vanilla fountain flavor boost was out. 

 2. A serial killer by the soda fountain.

I knew something wasn't right with this guy from the start. He on a bright pink, orange, and green camo hoodie. And a hat. I don't know if you have been keeping up with the news here in Atlanta but it is the same temperature outside at which I occasionally set my oven. Then this happened.

He smiled a me some weird Hills Have Eyes smile and asked what I was doing in a voice that definitely made me think he had toe pizza for dinner. He had a normal voice with the cashier. The kill me voice was reserved just for, well, me. He waited outside for me. As I walked to my car he commented on my hair bow. He said in his Sloth voice, "That's a pretty ribbon. PEOPLE WITH PRETTY RIBBONS SHOULD BE NICE TO ME!!" Then he just stared at me like he wanted to wear my face as a Halloween mask as I left the lot.

Now this fine upstanding citizen may or may not run into me again.  I stop at this particular gas station frequently and usually around the same time. I am, however, pretty sure I will see his toothy, childlike vision of a smile on the evening news in reference to him and his murdering 20 women.  20 women with pretty ribbons. 

 It's going to be a good day.

HI Friends, Welcome Me Back

I only recently started writing again. I felt a 3yr hiatus should just mean new blog. Here's what everyone missed.
I moved to Atlanta from Hawaii.
I got a job.
I got a boyfriend.
I broke up with boyfriend.
I got promoted.
I quit my job.
I got a new job.
 I went back to job #1 and quit again while keeping job #2.
I started to watch my now 7 month old niece in the mornings.
I decided to switch careers and am back in school.

 So currently I am single, a nanny, a bartender, and a student in Atlanta. Now you're caught up.