So you created a new liquor/energy drink/electric cigarette and have some gimmick you think is so cool. You are now trying to get the place people go to spend money whether they have it or not. A bar. As kind of a big deal at my bar you will probably have to interact with me and convince me to sell your vodka/recovery drink/state of the art condoms over the other other guy's organic spirit/non gmo mixer/vitamin enhanced molly. Here are some things to do and not to do in this situation. These are based on my two most recent interactions.
DO introduce yourself, and remember my name. Not that hard. It is the same as the state we live in.
DON'T upon hearing my name comment that I must be a Falcons/Dawgs fan. Or that I MUST be from the state. I am none of these.
DO explain upon introducing yourself which company you are with and the product you are selling.
DON'T stand at my bar creepily staring at me and then point at your shirt with your product's logo. I don't have time for that even if I am not doing anything else.
DO give me your card.
DON'T show up with out one, expect me to put your contact info in my phone, mine in yours, or even remember meeting you without a card.
DO offer me incentives to give my staff.
DON'T try to impress me with a nice promo car and promo girls dressed like hookers when my clientele are prettier and drinve nicer cars. A little research would be nice.
DO come in the afternoon when I am not busy.
DON'T come in at 8 during a dinner rush.
DON'T come in at close then stay for 2 hours after we are closed not buying aything and using our restaurant like your personal space.
DON'T under any circumstances ask me if a lot of "brothers hit on me because I have a fat ass". I know sometimes think that is a compliment in Atlanta, but it is unprofessional and is the quickest way for me to never sell your product. And to tell other people not to sell it. Seriously. I've been behind a bar for almost 10 years. 10 years of fat ass comments have built many layers of bitch.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Monday, November 19, 2012
I Know I'm Late on Political Banter
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Visiting Indiana Makes Me Happy I Live in Atlanta
I recently went to Indiana for a whirlwind family reunion/visit friends tour of Indianapolis and 2 hours north of Indianapolis in a corn field. All in all I had a great time! I really haven't gotten to see my family as much as I expected, mostly out of the fact I expected to be able to find work in my field after college and not have to go back. But it is a place to visit. Here are some reasons I enjoy living in Atlanta:
It is 80 degrees outside in Atlanta. In October.
There are things to do in Atlanta. Everything does not close on Mondays.
There are things other than cheese on menus.
Tater tots are real tater tots. Not weird breaded fried potatoes. (I find this one strange because tots are a great thing on which to put the massive amounts of cheese people in Midwest seem to have.)
Putting money in a meter usually prevents one from getting a parking ticket.
I did have some corned beef nachos with beer cheese at one place. That was tasty.
Now before getting on my case about liking Atlanta more than Indy and still being a Colts fan just remember the Bills have fans all over the country. They are all over the country for a reason....
It is 80 degrees outside in Atlanta. In October.
There are things to do in Atlanta. Everything does not close on Mondays.
There are things other than cheese on menus.
Tater tots are real tater tots. Not weird breaded fried potatoes. (I find this one strange because tots are a great thing on which to put the massive amounts of cheese people in Midwest seem to have.)
Putting money in a meter usually prevents one from getting a parking ticket.
I did have some corned beef nachos with beer cheese at one place. That was tasty.
Now before getting on my case about liking Atlanta more than Indy and still being a Colts fan just remember the Bills have fans all over the country. They are all over the country for a reason....
Thursday, September 27, 2012
UT Kids Are Down With Alcohol Enemas
KNOXVILLE, Tenn. —
The University of Tennessee is investigating allegations that fraternity members took alcohol enemas, leading one student to be hospitalized, and a national fraternity has suspended its chapter in Knoxville.
The Knoxville News Sentinel (http://bit.ly/Pndf7d) reports the practice came to light Saturday when a student was brought to a local hospital with alcohol poisoning. Police said his blood alcohol was measured at above 0.40, a level that can be fatal.
After questioning the young people who brought him to the emergency room, officers determined that he had consumed the alcohol rectally, Knoxville police said Monday. Authorities said the technique is supposed to enhance the effects of alcohol.
Police said he had received a wine enema at the Pi Kappa Alpha chapter house. Eleven students and a visitor there were cited for underage consumption of alcohol.
Times sure have change since I was in college. Gone are the days of Edward 40 Hands, Star Wars Drinking Games, stupid card games that know one REALLY knows the rules to, and random concoctions of cheap liquor in a new trash can mixed with copious amount sTampico and Kool-aid. Sit back and be nostalgic about those good ol' days because the new trend is here. Enemas. WTF.
Let's ignore the fact that since the dawn of alcohol, people have been drinking it. With their mouths. To produce warm fuzzy, euphoric, slutty effects. Not so anymore. Just spend $3 on a bottle of wine at Trader Joes and shove that straight into the pooper. Celebrating a big Volunteer win? Try some Andre or Cook's champagne. The bubbles are divine. Trust me, members of the opposite sex think this is a really sexy way to get sloppy drunk and take advantage of you.
What really gets me is TWELVE people were cited. Were they all just standing around in a circle giving each other adult colon flushes? What the hell is wrong with college kids these days? Good god, shit like this makes me sound like my mother.
The Knoxville News Sentinel (http://bit.ly/Pndf7d) reports the practice came to light Saturday when a student was brought to a local hospital with alcohol poisoning. Police said his blood alcohol was measured at above 0.40, a level that can be fatal.
After questioning the young people who brought him to the emergency room, officers determined that he had consumed the alcohol rectally, Knoxville police said Monday. Authorities said the technique is supposed to enhance the effects of alcohol.
Police said he had received a wine enema at the Pi Kappa Alpha chapter house. Eleven students and a visitor there were cited for underage consumption of alcohol.
Times sure have change since I was in college. Gone are the days of Edward 40 Hands, Star Wars Drinking Games, stupid card games that know one REALLY knows the rules to, and random concoctions of cheap liquor in a new trash can mixed with copious amount sTampico and Kool-aid. Sit back and be nostalgic about those good ol' days because the new trend is here. Enemas. WTF.
Let's ignore the fact that since the dawn of alcohol, people have been drinking it. With their mouths. To produce warm fuzzy, euphoric, slutty effects. Not so anymore. Just spend $3 on a bottle of wine at Trader Joes and shove that straight into the pooper. Celebrating a big Volunteer win? Try some Andre or Cook's champagne. The bubbles are divine. Trust me, members of the opposite sex think this is a really sexy way to get sloppy drunk and take advantage of you.
What really gets me is TWELVE people were cited. Were they all just standing around in a circle giving each other adult colon flushes? What the hell is wrong with college kids these days? Good god, shit like this makes me sound like my mother.
Friday, September 14, 2012
I'm Kind of a Big Deal
So in my efforts to make a difference in the world, paint with all the colors of the wind and what not, I need money. So I bartend. I do it well. And I am up for 2012 Bartender of the year and I would appreciate a vote or two. Want to vote? Do it here. Want to go to the Bartenders Ball and party with the party experts? Use GEORGIA as your Promo code and get $10 off your tickets.
10 reasons why you should vote for me!
1. I don't use plastic cups at work.
2. I can make 99% of drinks I am asked to make. Even those stupid ones some one thought was a good idea, but actually taste like cough syrup.
3. My name is Georgia. I have to actually explain my name when meeting new people. It's about a 5 minute process.
4. Sometimes I bartend with no clothes on like this. I'm on the right, not the left...
5. I wake up and piss excellence.
6. You're reading my blog.
8, 9, 10. Do you really need any more reasons? Vote!
10 reasons why you should vote for me!
1. I don't use plastic cups at work.
2. I can make 99% of drinks I am asked to make. Even those stupid ones some one thought was a good idea, but actually taste like cough syrup.
3. My name is Georgia. I have to actually explain my name when meeting new people. It's about a 5 minute process.
5. I wake up and piss excellence.
6. You're reading my blog.
8, 9, 10. Do you really need any more reasons? Vote!
I Dominated in Soccer Today
Yes, the 27yr old master of the GAWSA (Greater Atlanta Women's Soccer Association) today was me. Watch out Rampone, I'm moving up the ranks.
How did I dominate in this prestigious and highly competitive Rec soccer league? Oh, well, how about scoring ALL TWO of our goals leading us to a victory over the Fire Ants. That's right. How about pulling the ball up to their goal when we were down 3 players. How about a sweeeeeeet shot from midfield that swooshed over the keeper's head and into the eagerly awaiting goal.
Missed the game on ESPN 8, The Ocho? Please do not start a downward spiral resulting in publicized Harakiri. I'm pretty sure all my plays on this summer 7 v 7 field in Roswell, GA will be aired on the ESPN top 10. Too long to wait? This is pretty much how I looked the entire time.
How did I dominate in this prestigious and highly competitive Rec soccer league? Oh, well, how about scoring ALL TWO of our goals leading us to a victory over the Fire Ants. That's right. How about pulling the ball up to their goal when we were down 3 players. How about a sweeeeeeet shot from midfield that swooshed over the keeper's head and into the eagerly awaiting goal.
Missed the game on ESPN 8, The Ocho? Please do not start a downward spiral resulting in publicized Harakiri. I'm pretty sure all my plays on this summer 7 v 7 field in Roswell, GA will be aired on the ESPN top 10. Too long to wait? This is pretty much how I looked the entire time.
Monday, July 23, 2012
The Truth About the Underground Railroad
Him- "This guy on my route was telling me about these underground tunnels that go from strip club to strip club. I believe him because, you know, the Underground Railroad was really big in Atlanta."
Me- "The Underground Railroad wasn't really underground"
Him- "Yes it is. I've been there."
Me- "That was a MARTA station."
I had to walk away after this out of fear of catching the stupid. Really though, what do I know? During the Pre-Civil War times slaves could have been running out of Atlanta through Magic City and the Pink Pony. Harriet Tubman could have been Cherri Tubs on the weekends.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
I Was Bested by a Maclaren...
I know, you're like "What, Georgia? That's friggin' awesome! I need a picture! Please tell me you dug in you purse on the interstate and got your camera out and found the camera button in that short period of time because those are totally safe things to do!"
Haha! I'm not nearly cool enough to have a story like that. This little gem would be the Maclaren Triumph stroller. The Maclaren has a five point harness, retractable umbrella cover, and a high performance aluminum frame. The Maclaren site claims this wonder of technology, designed by the original designer of the iron maiden, is able to be opened and closed using the users feet and one hand. They are straight up lying.
My 7-month old niece had been staying at my tiny apartment for a few days because of water issues at her house. I live on this third floor walk up. We were going to go for a little walk so I grabbed the baby in one arm and the folded stroller in the other. Then three people watched as I struggled to open the thing once I got downstairs. While holding a baby. I'm sure it was hilarious.
I went upstairs and looked up a video on the Maclaren website to show me how to open the stroller. It just showed me how to close it. With my feet. It was about as useful as D.A.R.E.
So then I found this video. Of a 12 or 43 year old Japanese chick explaining this thing.
And I got it. Even in another language I got it. She really should get paid for explaining strollers. (Note: It require the use of your hands. Lying Brits.)
So I went downstair, baby in tow, stroller on my back, and a new sense of confidence only underage Japanese girls can give you. And I attempted to open the stroller again. While holding a baby. Still struggling. Luckily this time someone stopped by and helped me. Which is when I discovered this about the Maclaren Triumph, designed to be operated with feet only. There are situations when this stroller requires two hands to open. F'ing Brits.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Little League Brawl Showing Lameness of Just F'ing Everyone in Georgia
So if you have a job where you go to work and spend 6 hours of your 8 hour work day reading blogs, or if you just don't have a job, you have probably read about the brawl at the Little League game in Columbus, GA. No? Click the Link. Read the article. This isn't about that.
This is about after I started reading the comments and realized I never really realized how many lame fucks are just hanging out in cyberspace. Although I live in Atlanta, I am not from Georgia. Most people in Atlanta are transplants. Many like to complain about Atlanta even though they CHOSE to move here. I'd like express how lame and annoying this can be.
Now I don't mean stuff like this little quote from CommodoreDutch:
Just saw this video on CNN. Once I saw that it took place in Georgia, it all made sense. Good ol' rednecks. Too bad the North did not let you toothless illiterates secede. Cue up the banjos boys.
Hahaha.... This joker. He gets up on stage for amateur stand up and it is just penis joke, penis joke, Southern people are stupid, racist black joke, women are bad drivers, tip your bartenders, goodnight.
No, I'm talking about the local perspective on it from the AJC. Turns out some shit goes down in Columbus and everyone in Atlanta hops on the band wagon to passive-aggressively voice their opinion of why they hate where they live.
Like this guy, ahh yes - Georgia's finest: (Stupid fucking name anyways)
just a hunch – I’d be that these good ol’ boys have atvs, hunting pics, UGA football, and conservative/christian posts all over their facebook pages. Ah, what fine examples for our children to follow.
Or this one from Tee:
Good thing this game wasn’t playing on the tech campus, the kids and parents would have been shot, robbed, mugged and stabbed even before the game ever started. No way I would even go near the Joke by Coke.
For whatever reason today I got annoyed. Yup, super Right-Wing anything is annoying, loud, and idealistic. But super Left-Wing is also annoying, loud, and idealistic. In fact I believe I prefer the right because I love to drink beer and lentils taste like sand. And yes, crime in Atlanta SUCKS, and Georgia Tech is too close to the one high crime areas in Atlanta, but this was an article about a Little League game in Columbus. Not a college in Midtown Atlanta. I actually worked two blocks away from Georgia Tech at a bar, often until 5am, and I never got robbed or stabbed by rogue, pissed off Little League parents.
I'm disappointed in my fellow Georgians for turning this incident into a discussion about themselves and their political whatevers or how much they hate the thought of being stabbed. I just wanted to watch a funny video of two fat rednecks fighting and laugh until I shot Diet Coke out my nose. I guess I should remember opinions are like assholes, everyone has one, and if you click on the wrong site a shitty one will up on your screen.
This is about after I started reading the comments and realized I never really realized how many lame fucks are just hanging out in cyberspace. Although I live in Atlanta, I am not from Georgia. Most people in Atlanta are transplants. Many like to complain about Atlanta even though they CHOSE to move here. I'd like express how lame and annoying this can be.
Now I don't mean stuff like this little quote from CommodoreDutch:
Just saw this video on CNN. Once I saw that it took place in Georgia, it all made sense. Good ol' rednecks. Too bad the North did not let you toothless illiterates secede. Cue up the banjos boys.
Hahaha.... This joker. He gets up on stage for amateur stand up and it is just penis joke, penis joke, Southern people are stupid, racist black joke, women are bad drivers, tip your bartenders, goodnight.
No, I'm talking about the local perspective on it from the AJC. Turns out some shit goes down in Columbus and everyone in Atlanta hops on the band wagon to passive-aggressively voice their opinion of why they hate where they live.
Like this guy, ahh yes - Georgia's finest: (Stupid fucking name anyways)
just a hunch – I’d be that these good ol’ boys have atvs, hunting pics, UGA football, and conservative/christian posts all over their facebook pages. Ah, what fine examples for our children to follow.
Or this one from Tee:
Good thing this game wasn’t playing on the tech campus, the kids and parents would have been shot, robbed, mugged and stabbed even before the game ever started. No way I would even go near the Joke by Coke.
For whatever reason today I got annoyed. Yup, super Right-Wing anything is annoying, loud, and idealistic. But super Left-Wing is also annoying, loud, and idealistic. In fact I believe I prefer the right because I love to drink beer and lentils taste like sand. And yes, crime in Atlanta SUCKS, and Georgia Tech is too close to the one high crime areas in Atlanta, but this was an article about a Little League game in Columbus. Not a college in Midtown Atlanta. I actually worked two blocks away from Georgia Tech at a bar, often until 5am, and I never got robbed or stabbed by rogue, pissed off Little League parents.
I'm disappointed in my fellow Georgians for turning this incident into a discussion about themselves and their political whatevers or how much they hate the thought of being stabbed. I just wanted to watch a funny video of two fat rednecks fighting and laugh until I shot Diet Coke out my nose. I guess I should remember opinions are like assholes, everyone has one, and if you click on the wrong site a shitty one will up on your screen.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
I Met a Serial Killer
On my way to watch the baby this morning I stopped for a delicious 32 oz vanilla Coke Zero as is my morning habit.
I discovered two things.
1. The vanilla fountain flavor boost was out.
2. A serial killer by the soda fountain.
I knew something wasn't right with this guy from the start. He on a bright pink, orange, and green camo hoodie. And a hat. I don't know if you have been keeping up with the news here in Atlanta but it is the same temperature outside at which I occasionally set my oven. Then this happened.
He smiled a me some weird Hills Have Eyes smile and asked what I was doing in a voice that definitely made me think he had toe pizza for dinner. He had a normal voice with the cashier. The kill me voice was reserved just for, well, me. He waited outside for me. As I walked to my car he commented on my hair bow. He said in his Sloth voice, "That's a pretty ribbon. PEOPLE WITH PRETTY RIBBONS SHOULD BE NICE TO ME!!" Then he just stared at me like he wanted to wear my face as a Halloween mask as I left the lot.
Now this fine upstanding citizen may or may not run into me again. I stop at this particular gas station frequently and usually around the same time. I am, however, pretty sure I will see his toothy, childlike vision of a smile on the evening news in reference to him and his murdering 20 women. 20 women with pretty ribbons.
It's going to be a good day.
HI Friends, Welcome Me Back
I only recently started writing again. I felt a 3yr hiatus should just mean new blog. Here's what everyone missed.
I moved to Atlanta from Hawaii.
I got a job.
I got a boyfriend.
I broke up with boyfriend.
I got promoted.
I quit my job.
I got a new job.
I went back to job #1 and quit again while keeping job #2.
I started to watch my now 7 month old niece in the mornings.
I decided to switch careers and am back in school.
So currently I am single, a nanny, a bartender, and a student in Atlanta. Now you're caught up.
I moved to Atlanta from Hawaii.
I got a job.
I got a boyfriend.
I broke up with boyfriend.
I got promoted.
I quit my job.
I got a new job.
I went back to job #1 and quit again while keeping job #2.
I started to watch my now 7 month old niece in the mornings.
I decided to switch careers and am back in school.
So currently I am single, a nanny, a bartender, and a student in Atlanta. Now you're caught up.
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